"Oh You Better Watch Out..."

'Tis the season to use the incentive that "Santa's watching" to keep your little ones on track with good behavior.  I've done it.  Oh yes, when my girls were little, upon observing any contrary moods or misbehavior, many times I would just start singing, "Oh you better watch out.  You better not cry.  You better not pout.  I'm telling you why.  Santa Claus is coming to town."  Often it worked...at least temporarily. I'd rather not admit it, but I also made the standard "threats" that if they weren't good they might get a bag of coal...or a bundle of switches...or at least something similar that conveyed the idea that Santa just might mark some items off his list if they didn't do the right thing.  I guess that as parents it gives us a personal reprieve to put discipline issues on Santa's shoulders...but is that the wise...and lasting way to handle shaping our child's personality,set of standards, and motivations?  And what happens when Christmas day has come and gone?

As a teacher (with lots of years of experience under my big black belt..Ho Ho!) I have observed a frightening trend in parenting.  There seems to be a lot of "looking in the other direction" on the part of parents when they ask a child to do something and the little one doesn't obey.  What provokes this?  Are we afraid to say "No"?  That little word seems to have become taboo in some circles, yet often it is needed to make a point.  Do parents fear that their offspring won't "like" them if they correct them?  Are there thoughts swirling around in their heads of "what will they (neighbors, peers, teachers, any onlooker) think" if I discipline my child?  Shouldn't we, as parents, be more frightened by the fear of raising children with no concept of absolutes...no understanding of right and wrong...no realization that there are behaviors that are acceptable and others that are unacceptable?

Now, understand me here, I am one that surely errs on the side of grace in the classroom.  However, that is after my expectations have clearly been stated...and re-stated...and illustrated.  The same can work at home.  Your child should be informed in language that they can understand how you expect them to behave...in the car, when you are talking to another adult, inside vs. outside, when visiting in someone's home, when at church, and so on.  Explaining and reminding them of your guidelines before you engage in those situations will help set the stage for success.

Then communicate that "Obedience brings blessing" and "Disobedience brings consequences."  Again, make a plan ahead of time.  What types of "blessing" will you offer?  This does not have to be a treat or something that costs money.  It might be a high five...a word of encouragement...a special privilege...or maybe a sticker on a chart that can be filled in order to receive a treat (ice cream, movie, a trip to the park).  I think in this day and time our children are rewarded with "gifts" far too often.  (And I am often just as guilty as the next guy!)  Children need love and affirmation way more than they need another trinket.

And believe it or not, they need boundaries.  They even want them.  It makes them feel more secure. 

What are your "consequences" going to be?  Consider what works for your child.  What gets the point across that a behavior is unacceptable?  What makes an impact that would keep your child from wanting to repeat that act?  Children are different.  What works for one child might not work for another.  Find out what works for your child and do it.  For some children simply having a firm discussion works.  For others you need to find another course of action.

Keep in mind that parenting decisions that you make even with young children convey your standards.  Consider the long term effects.  Ponder your desires for your child as they grow.  Set the boundaries now that will help them learn and mature to their fullest potential.  And assure them of your love...that is unconditional...even when you correct them.

Come on parents, let's be good...for goodness sake.  Merry Christmas!