We Decided to Retain....Now What?

The agony of decision making is over. Whew! Take a little breath. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea or whatever treat you desire. And rest in having your answer. Then relax. Enjoy the rest of the school year. Enjoy your summer!!!

But before you can take a breather, you might need to settle a few issues in your mind. Perhaps these questions and answers might help.

*When do I tell my child?
There's no rush. There is really no need for them to know before the school year is out. During the summer just look for opportunities to broach the subject.

*What do I tell my child?
Be positive and confident. Be patient and willing to listen. Be honest.

Here's a sample conversation:
"Honey, what was your favorite thing about Kindergarten?"
"Recess." (That's usually the answer...or Art...or Free Play...much to the teacher's dismay.) :)
"So what was your least favorite thing about Kindergarten?"
"Handwriting." or "Reading." or "Seatwork." (Probably whatever your child struggles with.)
"Was there anything that was hard for you?"
"Well, I had a hard time writing inside the lines." or "The other people in my reading group read better than me." or "I had a hard time staying in my seat."

(Now, just a note...hopefully your child's teacher was affirming and sought out the area of their strength. She could have been so encouraging that they felt great about the overall experience! However, you've seen the papers. You've seen the report card. You've seen the struggles at home.)

"You know, Daddy and I have noticed that you had trouble with _____. We talked with Mrs. Kindergarten teacher and think that it might be helpful for you to have another year of practice in Kindergarten. Mrs. Kindergarten teacher said that lots of times teachers are looking for special friends to stay back and help them out next year. Daddy and I have given it lots of thought and prayer and feel like that would be best for you. How do you feel about that?"
(Let me add here that your presentation and attitude will greatly affect their response.)
Probably your child's response will be:
"What about my friends?"
"They will still be your friends. And you'll get to make some new ones!" (Even if they went on to first grade, they would most likely be with different students.) Do you remember the old song "Make New Friends" (or am I dating myself)? It goes like this: "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."
Honestly, that's probably their biggest concern. Just be positive and encouraging. Your attitude will become their attitude.

Back to Your Questions:

*Should they have the same teacher or a different one?
You will have to check the school's procedure for teacher selection. In some schools you have input, but don't in others.
There are a couple of ways of looking at it:
The current teacher knows your child's needs and could provide some security. Here's where you can interject that "Mrs. Kindergarten teacher just loves you so much and would like for you to be with her for another year and be her special helper." (I actually had a child once to come to school the first day expecting to sit in the Teacher Assistant's chair.) :)
A new teacher will offer a different teaching style (that could be a better fit for your child), different room decor, different types of activities, just a change of pace for your student.
Pray for what's best for your child.

*Will my child be bored?
No. A year has passed since they did the beginning of the year activities. If they remember them, they will probably be excited and feel much more confident in doing them. Also, most teachers will go above and beyond to provide new activities and do their best to challenge your child. Children just seem to face the year with a new confidence.

*Will their new classmates know that they have been retained?
Only if your child tells them...or if they already know each other socially. No matter what the case, if it comes up, the response and effect reflect right back to the parents' attitude. Your child's teacher will be sensitive and deal with it appropriately. :) It's really rarely an issue.

*What do I do about church age grouping?
I encourage you to think long term. It can be very beneficial to go ahead and make the change. Better earlier than later. You can run into difficulties when churches have "promotion" times and move according to Middle School or High School Youth Group...or College Group. It is much easier to remedy that at an early age than later. (I once had an 18 year old boy...towering over me...come to my 11th grade Sunday School class and say that he was told he had to move back to my class because he couldn't move to the college group. He had been retained in early elementary. It was difficult for him at that age. It made me so sad...and left a lasting impression.)

Again, relax. Enjoy your summer. Feel free to reinforce good handwriting technique. Do fun educational things!! Allow your child opportunities to develop those fine and gross motor skills. Paint! Exercise! Play with Playdoh!! Count for fun, review letter sounds, etc. as you ride in the car. Make a game of it! Make up silly rhymes. Laugh! Enjoy your Kindergartener!! They grow up all too soon! Also, READ, READ, READ!!! Read to your child...a lot. Go to the Library. Visit local storytimes. When you model great, expressive reading to your child, they will follow your example. Have fun! Be silly! Remember, great readers become great learners!!!

To Retain or Not to Retain...That is the Question

It's Parent/Teacher Conference time. You are aware that your child is having some difficulties in school...with handwriting, or reading, or listening, or staying on task. The teacher mentions that you might want to consider the possibility of retention. (You automatically get a bad feeling. Retention just sounds bad...Doesn't it?...like water retention...bloating...feeling miserable...sorry, that's the girl in me...) The thought of retention seems to bring on a flurry of negative thoughts from parents. Does that mean my child failed? Does that mean I failed? What will this do to my child's self image? Will he be emotionally scarred? What will his friends think? What will my parents think? What will the neighbors think? Where did we go wrong?

My first challenge to you would be to stop the negative thoughts swirling in your head. Remain calm. And listen. Retention is not always a negative thing (as in the context of the ability to remember things). Retention is not a punishment for failure. But it might be the pathway needed for success. Sometimes children just need a little extra time to develop to their full potential.

I think that most educators would agree that the early elementary years are the best time to be proactive if your child is showing signs of struggle. You see, this decision is not just going to affect one year of your child's life, but could have long lasting benefits or repercussions.

Let me point out a few benefits that are long-term rather than just immediate. You can give your child the opportunity to be a leader rather than a follower. You can give them the chance to succeed rather than struggle. Oftentimes the confidence that a child gains in a year of "repeating" a grade can be life changing, giving them a whole new outlook!

There are, believe it or not, social benefits to retention. The student is given an extra year of maturity before facing the challenges that come with age...such as driving (and having driving friends), dating, and going away to college. These may be hard to even consider at the tender age of 5 or 6, but those babes will grow up all too fast. Consider giving them every opportunity to be as well equipped as possible to meet the future.

A cool benefit, that often isn't realized, is that it not only will give them extra time to develop academically, but also in the sports realm. It can give them an extra year of eligibility for a team, offering the opportunity for greater success.

Should you find yourself in the situation of having to make this decision, I encourage you to talk to others who have faced retention with their own children. I honestly have never heard of a parent that regretted it.

Most importantly, seek the guidance of the One who knows your child best...the One who created him. Prayer will bring you the answer and the peace you seek. You can be assured that God knows and wants what is best for your child.

Do you need to give your child the "gift of a year"?